I Know You Are..But What Am I?

Who am I? Well to start my name is Anna-Marie Aronis. I am a 29-year-old recent return to college student trying to better herself in this world. I never knew who I really was until I started going back to school in 2011, and decided to change something about myself. I realized that I had a good job and benefits working as a paraprofessional for the NYCDOE, but used the opportunity that gave me to go back to school and expand my knowledge. I always wanted to be famous, and not humbly famous like superstar famous, but I soon realized that that life was not for me, and putting effort to try to make it as a singer/model/actress/Broadway star, soon changed and I realized that, I do love working with kids and I do love media, and music etc, so my ultimate goal is to be a drama teacher.

My role in media consumption has a lot of influence on my early life especially, my childhood. Growing up in a Greek household I feel as if from an early age and as a product of European upbringing, media and what people perceive of you are very shown and somewhat went hand in hand. I remember being 4 years old and watching a Greek soap opera called “Madame Sou Sou” which was about a woman who was from the city and married a countryman. She thought she was better than everyone in her small remote Greek village because she was from the city. I feel as if that show kind of molded my view and interest in knowing what the wealthy people in society would live life and almost be fascinated by. Maybe it is because I grew up middle class regular American and with working class parents, shows like “Cribs”, or the “Kardashians” or even the “Simple Life” showing Paris Hilton in farmers clothes fascinated me, or even how a small town girl like Britney spears becomes a superstar overnight.

I find myself following a lot of celebrities on social media and I feel like I constantly compare myself to other celebrities who I find are appealing to me. I see myself bored alone on a weeknight scrolling through Twitter and Instagram, even trying out new diets and new ways of eating based on fitness models I follow on Twitter and Instagram. I find also a lot of even the way I dress and my hair is modeled around celebrities. For example I vividly remember showing my hairdresser photos of Khloe Kardashian’s hombre hair to mimic it exactly, she replied, “you know how many girls have shown me that photo?” I feel like for me it’s a subconscious thing, and being a former plus sized girl, I feel as if I never really embraced the “big is beautiful thing”. I always wanted to be thinner and I feel like making goal based on what I wanted to look like or for people to perceive me in a certain way is what I always did. I remember being 13 years old and envious of Britney Spears abs, embarrassed that I was so tall but not tall and thin like a Victoria’s Secret model, but more “big boned” as my Greek mother would call me, and dieted and tried and lost the weight. Seeing women like Jennifer Lopez and Khloe Kardashian, and now Lauren Kitt (Nick Carter’s, Backstreet Boys wife), who are tall curvy fit women I feel like, make and made more realistic goals of what I could look like, and my body image an confidence has changed. Instead of being embarrassed for being tall and wearing heels I feel like I did gain more confidence because I saw what those women did and the media loved it. I feel like sometimes the media is a “Mean Girls”, and almost judging everyone, but if they did it and it worked and the media embraced it, hey I could try it in real life. I feel like sometimes the media and Face book, and Instagram, and twitter is sometimes an overload of information all at once, and almost a popularity contest on our egos. Anything we post and myself included wants to be liked and wants to gain attention for it, but it’s interesting to see how far people may go to get attention or someone to like their photo. Another fact is that people are very unprivate. Some people will post all day and everyday of things they are doing, sometimes I think “ wow I didn’t go out I didn’t miss anything! Its all on Instagram and snap chat its like I was there”. To me where is the genuinely of “going out” and enjoying the company of your friends when the pressure is on to put your face on and pose for Instagram photos?

instagram.com/anna_banana_74

The media has the good and the bad with it. The best part for my life and me is that I can access information to make myself more and more educated, as I get older. I love that since I have been on and off in college, being educated has become less costly and more fun and more of an exciting experience. I like that I have evolved into a more computer and literate person by reading a lot, and taking time to analyze and research great works or literature at the click of a mouse. Hopefully for the future the growing media and technology will make he future brighter and people more aware and educated about things.